I wish I could have gotten the four major party candidates for President and vice president on a bass boat in the middle of a lake. It might have gone something like this.
Me: Thanks for coming. One word of caution: Don’t rock the boat.
McCain: But that’s what I do best, my friend. Eh, eh, eh.
Palin: Gosh dang it, Senator, you’re so doggone funny!
Obama: Can we please get started? I have a lot of changes I need to attend to.
Biden: Hey, did I mention yet that I grew up in Scranton, P. A.?
Me: Okay, let me ask a few questions. First, Sen. McCain: What would be your first action as president?
McCain: Well , my friend, I would eliminate any agency that had the words “Senior”, “Aged” and “Old” in them.
Me: Senator Obama?
Obama: Yes, uh, I, uh would, send a $100 dollar check to each and every college kid who, uh, gave me their first vote in a Presidential Election, along with a, uh, a request for half of that for a donation to my 2012 campaign fund.
Me: Thanks, Senators. Now, Sen. Biden, how will you support your boss if elected?
Biden: My wife Jill and I will….
Obama: Joe. He means me.
Biden: Oh. Of course. Well… just what will I be doing, Barack?
Palin: Who’s getting’ hungry? I whipped up a bunch’a moose meat sandwiches for our little outing. Now, where did I put that basket, there?
McCain: Sarah… I… I left it on the dock. Thought it was full of earmarks.
Obama: Don’t worry… I’ll just walk back and get it.
Biden: But Barack, we’re in the middle of the la …
Silence.
Obama: Just joking, guys. Geez.
Palin: Senator, that was a real yukker, fer sure.
Me: Governor Palin, fears have been expressed that you are a heart beat away from the Presidency. Any comment?
Palin: Are you kiddin’ me? Have you seen John’s mom? I mean, he’s got another 30,000 miles left on those tires, dontcha know. And let me Care 4 Your Skin ya, raisin’ five kids while holdin’ down a full time job is no walk in the park. That Putin fella’s got nothin’ on a house full of teenagers and a trunkload of stinky diapers.
Me: This one’s for each of you. What is the greatest challenge to the United States right now?
Obama: Ladies first, Sarah.
Palin: Thank you, sir. On that question, let me refer to the words of past presidents. John Kennedy said “Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country.” If that includes protection of our children and elderly, keeping us safe in a dangerous world, rebuilding our economy, and working together as Americans, then we will remain the greatest nation in history. And good old Thomas Jefferson said “The price of liberty is eternal vigilance.”
Obama: Can’t top that.
Biden: Me, neither.
McCain: Ditto, my friend.
The Governor stood up, rocking the boat slightly.
“Oh, and one more thing. I believe Ronald Reagan said it.
“If we forget that we are One Nation Under God, then we will be a nation gone under.”
And with that, we made our way to shore in silence.
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